Doubts
by GrittyRe-boot
Summary: Futurefic: Finn is thrown for a loop when he encounters a familiar face during his bachelor party in NYC. I stole the concept from Let's Start Again, a fanfic by Thepurpleipod, with permission of course.
1. Chapter 1

Doubts: Prologue

Futurefic: Finn is thrown for a loop when he encounters a familiar face during his bachelor party in NYC. I stole the concept from Let's Start Again, a fanfic by Thepurpleipod, with permission of course.

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of glee, blah blah blah.

"You love Marcy… you love Marcy… you love Marcy" Finn thought to himself as he tried for the fourth time to put on the red silk bowtie he never would have picked out. "She's beautiful, she smart, she's sweet, she's everything you've ever wanted in a woman. And last night, it was just a mistake. It was a mistake that she never has to know about. It was mistake that you have the rest of your life to make up to her." Once again one side of the tie came out bigger than the other. In frustration he tore off the necktie, punched the mirror and sank to the floor, his face buried in his hands.

"Finn." said a familiar voice.

"I was going to wear my dad's tie." Finn said without looking up. "She said it didn't fit the color scheme."

Burt came up to Finn and put a hand on his shoulder

"Tell me what's wrong, son. I know it isn't the tie."

"It's nothing, it's just… cold feet I guess."

"Look, I know I'm just your step-father, but I like to think that you and I have gotten pretty close these past few years, and you know you can tell me anything."

Finn looked up at Burt. Even with his eyes blurred and teary he could see that all-too familiar "I love you no matter what" look in his eyes, the look that never ceased to get his guard down.

"I cheated on Marcy."

"What?" Burt said, clearly shocked. "When?"

"Yesterday, after the bachelor party."

"That's not like you Finn, you're a good kid. How could you even think of doing something like that?"

"I don't know."

"I don't know?" He repeated. How is that an explanation? Please tell me you were drunk."

"No."

"Then what the hell was going through your head, Finn? And this better be good."

"I don't know. I mean, four years together and I hadn't once thought about being with someone else and then I go out of town never expecting to see her and all of a sudden she's there and all of these feelings just come rushing back like they'd never left and… Oh god, I'm a bastard aren't I?"

"Yes," Burt answered coldly. "Who's 'her.'"

"Her." Finn said.


	2. Chapter 2

42 hours earlier.

Finn had never been to New York City, it certainly wasn't the go-to place for out of town bachelor weekends. But there was something about that place, that weekend that spoke to him. Besides his best man slash stepbrother Kurt Hummel wasn't exactly subtle about his all-consuming desire to see Adam Lambert's triumphant turn in Cabaret.

"I swear to god Hummel if you ever make me do something that fruity again I'm going to—

"Come on Puck you said you'd be cool this weekend," Finn interrupted. "And don't pretend you didn't have fun, you could have gone ahead with the guys if you wanted to."

Puck rolled his eyes. "Okay, the chick who played Sally Bowles was mesmerizing, but that doesn't excuse the fact that we've been here all day and the only nipples I've seen were on a dude."

"Hey, you don't hear me complaining about having to go to some trashy strip club with you guys." Kurt said.

"You just did." Puck groaned.

"And it's not trashy." Finn said. "Trust me this is going to be great, even for you Kurt."

"Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I have no appreciation for the female form." Kurt said

"You're gonna fake a headache after half an hour so you can go back to the hotel aren't you?" Puck said.

"Probably." Kurt shrugged.

Finn, Kurt and Puck got to The Sex Cauldron that night just in time to witness the beginning stages of the rest of the gang's drunkenness. Artie, Finn's coworker Manny, Marcy's brother Jim, and Finn's old College roommate Frank were all there with no reservations at all about starting the party without them.

"Hey, just in time guys." Jim said, waving a beer in his hand. "How was FAG-aret?"

"That doesn't even rhyme," Kurt said.

"Marcy made me bring him." Finn whispered to Kurt.

"Sorry I couldn't make the show," Artie said passing out beers. "My flight was delayed. You know, my flight from Los Angeles?

"Yes, we all know you live in LA now, enough with the expository dialogue," Kurt said, greeting Artie with a hug.

"Wow, look at the tits on that one, friggin' epic." Puck said as a blonde in a sequined bikini and six inch heels passed by.

"Oh please those are totally fake." Kurt said.

"As long as they're attached that's all I need." Puck answered back, swigging his beer.

"I don't know. I have to go with Kurt on this one. You can't beat a natural woman." Finn said. "Like her." He continued, pointing at a petite girl with long brown hair stiffly gyrating atop a portly older man.

"yeah, she's hot… from the neck down," Puck agreed. "But why do you think she has her hair in her eyes like that? And why's she so stiff? How much do you want to bet she's a total butterface."

"Dude, grow up," Finn shot back.

"50 bucks?" Puck continued.

"I'm in, fifty on butterface," Kurt chimed in.

Finn raised his eyebrows at him.

"What?" Kurt said.

Finn shook his head, wanting no part of it.

"Dude, you're in a strip club. These chicks are begging to be objectified," Puck said. "Literally, this is the only place on the planet where that's okay."

"Fine if it'll shut you up, fifty on hot from the neck up," Finn sighed.

"Alright, now it's a party," Puck said. As the girl finished her lap dance Puck waved a fan of singles in the air, signaling for her to come over.

"Hey sweetheart, over here," Puck cried.

She turned to face them, pushing her long bangs to the side. The second he laid eyes on her Finn was sure of two things. One, he'd won the bet hands down and two, his jaw would have to be medically reattached. For several seconds he just stared at her, saying nothing while she stared at the floor, her arms wrapped tightly around her body, ashamed. Finally under his breath he squeaked,

"Rachel?"


	3. Chapter 3

She said nothing in return. She didn't even look back up at him.

"Rachel?" He repeated.

"Hey, um… long time no see," Puck said awkwardly.

"Yeah. It's um been awhi—

Rachel didn't give Artie a chance to finish, she turned and walked off at fast as her stilt-like shoes would allow.

"Wait, Rachel!" Finn called after her. "Rachel!" He pushed his way through the crowd, desperate to catch up to her, finally he got close enough to grab her by the arm.

"Rachel, wha…" he trailed off, unable to finish.

"Hey you!" Said a big man in a tight black t-shirt. "No touching allowed. I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

"It's okay Sonny," she finally said. "I know him."

After a moment's hesitation, Sonny walked away.

"Rach, what are you doing? Why are you here?"

"Finn, not here. I just… I can't."

"Rachel, please you have to talk to me. I—I'm really freaking out right now. What's going on?"

"I'm working Finn."

She broke free of him and started off once more.

"Rachel!" he went after her once again until Sonny blocked his path.

"If you want a private moment with the lady you're gonna need to buy a room."

"A room?"

"One of our private rooms, it's 75 bucks for 30 minutes."

He watched as Rachel began to disappear into the crowd.

"Fine, I'll take it." He said desperately. He grabbed a wrinkled wad of bills out of his pocket and counted it frantically before shoving it at Sonny.

"Hey Luscious Berry, you got a fan." Sonny called over to Rachel. Sheepishly she made her way over to Finn, avoiding looking him straight in the eye. She grabbed him by the wrist and led him behind the thick black curtain at the back of the club.

"Sit down." She said. He obeyed, unsure of what to say.

She hesitantly climbed on top of him placing her hands on his shoulders.

"Rach…" he whispered.

She said nothing, instead she reached for the back of her beaded bra and began to unhook it.

"Rach, why are you doing this?" he asked, pleadingly.

"It's my job." she said, removing the bra and exposing her small breasts. "See anything you like?"

"Rachel you know that's not what I meant." He picked up her bra and placed it over her breasts. "Put your clothes on, please."

"Relax, it's not like you've never seen them before," she said, her voice cracking.

Her hair hung in her eyes again, at that point he realized why. He reached up and brushed her thick bangs off of her face, exposing her tear stained cheeks. She turned her face away and jumped off of his lap, fastening her bra.

"God why are you here? A thousand strip clubs in New York and you had to come to this one." She said, sobbing.

"Why are _you _here Rachel?" He asked again. "I don't get it. I keep trying to get it and I just… I just don't. What the hell happened to you?"

"Don't judge me Finn, this… it isn't forever, okay? I just…" she trailed off, once again avoiding his gaze.

"The Rachel I knew would never do something like this, no matter how temporary it was."

"Well I'm not the Rachel you knew, okay? A lot can change in six years."

"A lot has." He said.

"I know." She said, nodding at his "groom to be" T-shirt. "Congratulations Finn." She stormed out without another word, much like she used to in glee club.

"Rachel wait." He said for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

"Sonny, Tell the boss I'm going home. I'll explain later." She said as she left without awaiting his protest.

Finn continued to follow her.

"Hey, man. What the hell is going on?" Puck said, stopping Finn in his tracks.

"Look you guys have fun, okay?" He left Puck and darted out the door after Rachel.

"Hey Rach, wait up," he said finally catching up to her.

"Give up Finn, I'm going home," she said, marching down the sidewalk.

He walked in front of her, blocking her path.

"Look, just let me take you out. Anywhere you want to go, I'll pay," Finn said. "I just can't leave things like this."

"Finn, I just didn't want you to see me this way," She said, finally starting to break down. "Look at you, your life is together, you have friends, you're getting married and I'm… I'm this," She said waving her hands over her skimpy outfit.

"You're not this. You're so much better than this." Finn draped his coat over her shoulders and brushed her hair behind her ear. "Please let me take you out."

Finally she cracked the first thing resembling a smile he'd seen all night.

"Okay, walk me to my place and I'll de-trampify."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of the music of Bon Jovi.

"It's not much," Rachel said as she opened the door to her tiny apartment. The bedroom, living room and kitchen were all in the same room and the bathroom was behind a Japanese style partition, but it was definitely Rachel, neat and perfect. "It'll only be a minute, make yourself comfortable." She tossed her purse onto the bookshelf stacked with every play in existence and disappeared behind the partition.

As he waited Finn flipped through the copy of West Side Story on her coffee table, suddenly at the corner of his eye he saw something moving beneath the radiator.

"Umm, Rach? You don't have rats do you?"

"Not likely," She answered. "That's probably just Jack."

"Jack?" At that moment a tiny, scruffy dog approached Finn, sniffed his leg and walked the other way.

"Yeah, Jack." She reentered the room, now wearing a short, navy blue dress and a mint green cardigan adorned with multicolored buttons, her thick bangs pulled back with a plaid headband. She picked up the little dog and made a waving motion with his paw. "Say hi, Jack."

"He's cute. So, you're allowed dogs here."

"As long as he's quiet the neighbors don't complain." She said, setting the dog back down. "So, how do I look?"

"Like you." Finn said, smiling. "So, what do you want to do?"

"Are you sure the guys won't mind you disappearing on them?"

"Yeah, they probably don't even know I'm gone. Bachelor parties aren't really for the groom anyway."

"Hmm." She said, looking a little sad about being once again reminded of Finn's pending nuptials. "You know. I actually did have something in mind."

It was only natural that Rachel would pick a Karaoke bar, all of Finn and Rachel's fondest memories were of singing together.

"I don't know, isn't this song a little cheesy?" Finn said as Rachel pointed out a selection in the book.

"Bite your tongue, there is nothing cheesy about Aqua ."

"If you say so."

"Fine, what do you want to sing Mr. Music expert?"

"I was thinking this." He said, pointing the next page.

"Bon Jovi? You're such a guy."

"What? It's a beautiful song."

"Fine, but only because it's your night."

Rachel jotted down the number on the slip of paper and proceeded to hand it to the passing waiter.

"Sir, I'm aware that this is in no way your fault and I'm sure I'm not the first to voice this concern. But I'd just like to call attention to your establishment's criminally sparse selection of classic Broadway standards. If your goal is to attract repeat business from your customers I would strongly suggest discussing this matter with your superiors."

"Um, yeah I'll get right on that. So can I get you another Margarita sir."

"Um, no I'm good." Finn answered, barely containing his laughter. The waiter put the request slip with the others and walked off, perplexed.

"What?" She said bashfully.

"Nothing." He said regaining his composure. "I guess… I just missed you."

She smiled and looked down at her crantini nervously stirring it with her toothpick.

"So, I guess you were pretty shocked tonight huh?" She said, looking back up at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to judge you or anything. I guess I was just surprised to see you… there. So, how did it happen?"

"It's kind of a long story."

"You don't have to tell me, I mean it's your business."

"I think I want to talk about it. I mean, I spent the last three months not talking about it." Rachel stopped playing with her toothpick and went on to playing with her napkin.

"Well, after Julliard I thought that everything was going to be different, you know? I thought I'd have my break early on and It would just be nonstop from there. But it wasn't like that at all."

"What was it like?"

"Rejection… and failure and disappointment," She continued. "After a year of small parts here and there I finally got the dream Job, Maureen in Rent."

"That's great, that's the one about everybody getting AIDS right?"

"Something like that."

"What happened with that?"

"Well as it turns out I'm not that great of an actress."

"Bull."

"Rachel Berry's magnificent singing voice is no consolation for her horrid acting. Her bizarre New York Accent is at best an odd mix of South African and pack of rabid hyenas," She recited. "That one ran in The Times the day after opening night. It was probably the nicest review."

"Sorry," Finn said, lacking anything more comforting to say.

"The weird thing is I wasn't even going for an accent."

"What happened next?"

"They replaced me a week later, with Phoebe Strole."

"Oh, yeah we saw her today in Cabaret, she was mesmerizing," Finn blurted. "But you know, not nearly as good a singer as you… or as pretty," He rambled, hoping to pull the foot out of his mouth.

"It's okay Finn, you don't have to say that, but anyway, that was pretty much where things ended for me."

"You mean to tell me you let a few bad reviews stop you?"

"Oh I didn't, but it turns out Broadway doesn't look too kindly on girls who botch their first major performance. At that point I had too much experience for smaller roles. I couldn't get anything for almost a year. I must have went on over a hundred auditions before I got my first final notice taped to my door."

"Couldn't you have asked your parents for help?"

"I thought about it but I guess it was sort of a pride thing. They were there opening night. The only thing they could manage to say was, 'you looked beautiful.'"

"Ouch," Finn said.

"The bad part was I thought I did great. When I pried them about it they finally told me the truth. I guess I just couldn't handle it. We had a huge fight and I haven't really called them since, I've been too ashamed to. I didn't even tell them I got fired. I didn't tell anyone, except for you."

"Your secret's safe Rach."

"I think they probably already know. How could they not? They're better versed on Broadway news than I am." She began to tear her napkin into tiny pieces. "So anyway, I was broke, unemployed and completely alone when this friend of mine who was in the chorus with me in Chicago told me about the club, she said it was good money and gave her plenty of time during the day to go on auditions. So I decided to check it out. I actually started out as a waitress but it wasn't nearly enough to get by."

"So you got… promoted?" Finn said delicately.

"Yeah," She chuckled. "Last month."

"How do you deal with all of those guys leering at you like that?"

"Well, it was hard at first. But after awhile I learned to picture myself somewhere else."

"Where do you picture yourself?"

She hesitated for a moment before finally opening her mouth to speak.

"Next up, singing a timeless Bon Jovi Classic; Rachel Berry and Finn Hudson!" Interrupted the DJ over the speakers.

"Come on!" Rachel said excitedly, seeming to immediately forget all about her sad story.

As he walked onstage Finn grabbed one mic and passed the other to Rachel, as the music played he began to sang.

_Once upon a time_  
_Not so long ago_  
_Tommy used to work on the docks_  
_Union's been on strike_  
_He's down on his luck...it's tough, so tough_

_Then she sang…_

_Gina works the diner all day_  
_Working for her man, she brings home her pay_  
_For love - for love_

_Then they sang together_

_She says: We've got to hold on to what we've got_  
_'Cause it doesn't make a difference_  
_If we make it or not_  
_We've got each other and that's a lot_  
_For love - we'll give it a shot_

_We're half way there_  
_Livin' on a prayer_  
_Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear_  
_Livin' on a prayer_

_Finn continued with…_

_Tommy got his six string in hock_  
_Now he's holding in what he used_  
_To make it talk - so tough, it's tough_

_And she sang…_

_Gina dreams of running away_  
_When she cries in the night_  
_Tommy whispers: Baby it's okay, someday_

_Then they sang…_

_We've got to hold on to what we've got_  
_'Cause it doesn't make a difference_  
_If we make it or not_  
_We've got each other and that's a lot_  
_For love - we'll give it a shot_

_We're half way there_  
_Livin' on a prayer_  
_Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear_  
_Livin' on a prayer_  
_We've got to hold on ready or not_  
_You live for the fight when it's all that you've got_  
_We're half way there_  
_Livin' on a prayer_  
_Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear_  
_Livin' on a prayer_

As they finished the Song Finn and Rachel almost seemed surprised by the thunderous applause. For those few minutes they had forgotten that there was anyone else in the room.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of West Side Story

Finn and Rachel ran hand and hand through the pouring rain quickly finding a dry space near the doorway to Rachel's building.

"That was fun," Rachel said, giggling and out of breath. "That was probably the first fun I've had since, well, since I moved here."

"Six years. I can't believe I spent six years not singing with you," Finn said.

"Yeah, me neither," she said, looking into his eyes. He stared back, saying nothing.

"Well, I should probably go. If you can believe it I actually have an audition tomorrow," she said.

"Really, why didn't you say anything?"

"I probably won't get it."

"Look. You can't be so down on yourself. Did you hear yourself in there? You're amazing Rachel."

"Well, getting this part would be pretty great. I'm going out for Maria in West Side Story."

"That's perfect! You look sort of Spanish… and you know, the talent thing."

"Hey," she beamed. "I have an Idea." Just then, she grabbed him by the wrist and led him up to her apartment to her apartment.

"Imagine being afraid of you," Rachel recited by heart as she blotted her wet hair with a towel. She had changed into a terrycloth robe while Finn remained in his clothes, drying himself off near the radiator. Anything of Rachel's would have left far too much to the imagination.

"You see?" Finn read awkwardly from the script.

"I see you"

"Then see only me."

Then Rachel began to sing  
_Only you, you're the only thing I'll see forever_  
_In my eyes in my words and in everything I do_  
_Nothing else but you_  
_Ever_

_Then Finn Sang_  
_And there's nothing for me but Maria_  
_Every sight that I see is Maria_

_Then Rachel sang_  
_Tony, Tony_

_Then Finn sang_  
_Always you, every thought I'll ever know_  
_Everywhere I go you'll be_

_Then they sang together_  
_All the world is only you and me_

_Then Rachel Sang_  
_Tonight, tonight_  
_It all began tonight_  
_I saw you and the world went away_

_Tonight, tonight_  
_There's only you tonight_  
_What you are, what you do, what you say_

_Then Finn sang_  
_Today, all day I had the feeling_  
_A miracle would happen_  
_I know now I was right_

_Then they sang together_  
_For here you are_  
_And what was just a world is a star_  
_Tonight_

_Tonight, tonight_  
_The world is full of light_  
_With suns and moons all over the place_

_Tonight, tonight_  
_The world is wild and bright_  
_Going mad_  
_Shooting sparks into space_

_Today, the world was just an address_  
_A place for me to live in_  
_No better than all right_

_But here you are_  
_And what was just a world is a star_  
_Tonight_

_Good night, good night_  
_Sleep well and when you dream_  
_Dream of me_  
_Tonight_

"I cannot stay, go quickly," Rachel recited

"I'm not afraid"

"Please!"

"Goodnight," Finn read.

"Buenas Noches" Rachel said under her breath, intensely staring into Finn's eyes.

"And um, then there's a kiss," Finn said, breaking the long silence. "But, you know we can just skip over that par—

Before Finn could finish Rachel pressed her lips to his, kissing him passionately and deeply. At first he hesitated but instead of pushing her away, he dropped the script on the floor and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back. She hopped up and wrapped her legs around his body. He held her close, lowering her onto the couch, his lips going from her lips to her face and her neck.

"Oh god," she moaned. "Oh god, Finn."

Finn stopped abruptly. "I thought I was Tony." He quickly jumped off of her and began to tuck in his shirt despite the fact that it wasn't tucked in in the first place.

"Finn I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—

"It's okay," he interrupted. "I just have to go. I shouldn't have come here, I'm sorry." He grabbed his coat, holding it awkwardly over his prominent erection and quickly pulled on his shoes.

"Bye Rachel, Um, bye Jack." And with that he bolted through the door, leaving her alone.

"God, what is wrong with you?" Finn said to himself, pacing back and forth down the hall. "You're married, or about to be married, or almost married. Okay, it doesn't matter, it was just a kiss, it meant nothing… only it did. But it didn't, I mean it was just for the play, right? You were just helping. That's all, that's all it was."

Rachel hadn't moved from the couch since he left. She just sat there trying to figure out exactly what had happened. Suddenly she heard a knock on the door. She got up to answer it, not entirely sure if it was a good idea. Somehow she knew exactly who it was, and exactly what would happen if she did answer it.

"Did you forget something?" She asked Finn, who now stood at her door.

"Yeah, I did," He said before grabbing her and kissing her once again.

"I missed you so much Finn." she said, crying almost hysterically. He wiped her tears away with his hands and continued to kiss her passionately.

"This is wrong." Finn said between kisses. "This is so wrong."

"I know," Rachel agreed, kissing him back.

"But I can't stop. I don't want to stop."

"Then don't." Rachel pulled his T-shirt up over his head while he unbuckled his belt and pulled down his pants. He then removed her floral terry bathrobe and lowered her mostly naked body onto the bed.

"Finn, what are we doing? I mean this is so stupid, this is so dumb Finn."

"I know, I know." He said, unable to take his lips off of her. He removed her panties and she removed his boxers and then, as they lied naked together they both knew that there was no going back.


	6. Chapter 6

"That was…" Finn trailed off.

"I know," Rachel said.

He looked at her, still beautiful, still Rachel, and he wondered why with a fiancée at home, and friends abandoned in the city, all he could think about was kissing her again. She cuddled in closer and kissed him, clearly thinking the same thing.

"I, must say, good rehearsal," she joked.

"Yeah," he laughed. "Do that at the audition and the part is yours."

"Shut up," she said, playfully hitting him with the pillow. "Did you know I've been taking acting lessons?"

"Yeah?" he asked.

" Uh huh, four years at the top performing arts school in the country and I'm taking acting lessons from a 70 year old woman on the fifth floor. But, you know, she lets me pay her in cupcakes so it's win-win."

Finn leaned in to kiss her again. "You'll do great. I know you will."

"You know, maybe you can come with me, to the audition."

"When is it?"

"Noon," She said.

"I'd love to but I'm flying back at ten."

Rachel's smile faded, she rolled over and off the bed, quickly wrapping herself up in her robe.

"I guess it would be kind of wrong to call off the wedding over the phone," she said.

"Um, Rach…"

"Oh my god," she interrupted, "I feel like such an idiot." She started to cry.

"Rachel, no, you're not an idiot. I'm the idiot, I shouldn't have come here." He got out of bed and started to put on his clothes.

"You know you keep saying that and yet you won't just leave me be," She said, now sobbing. "There must be a reason. There must be a reason you can't just let go."

"Rachel—"

"Tell me you don't still love me Finn, that this was all just some last hurrah before the big day so I can tell you to screw off and get on with my life."

"You know that's not true."

"Then how is it possible that you're still even thinking about going back to Lima to marry someone else?"

"Rachel, this isn't simple okay, it's really complicated. No matter what I do someone is going to get hurt."

"Then let them be hurt, they'll get over it. Just make up your damn mind. This is your life Finn."

"I know all that."

"Then say it. Tell me what you want."

Finn sat there in silence trying to think of something to say.

"Why didn't you call me Finn?" she said. "All those years, you never called, you never came to visit. Why?"

"We were broken up."

"Why?" she pleaded. "You know it wasn't over for me. I would have stayed if you had asked me to."

"How could I have asked you to do that?" He protested. "Julliard was your dream, how could I stand in the way of that?"

"Then why didn't you come with me?"

"What, so I could wait tables and sponge off of you? Rachel if I had gone you would have realized sooner or later that you were too good for me and it would have been over anyway. I was just saving time."

"How could you say something like that Finn?" she said, still crying. "Julliard, New York, Broadway, none of that was as important as being with you. None of it made me as happy."

"I got rejected from Julliard, remember? I barely got into Ohio State. You could have done anything you wanted to do Rachel, I didn't want to ruin your life."

"God wake up Finn! You did ruin my life, you ruined everything." She sank back onto the bed crying into her hand, her back facing him.

"Rachel," He said. He walked up to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Can you leave now?" she whispered.

"Rachel I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, just go."

He grabbed his coat and reluctantly walked to the door, before he could turn the knob she spoke again.

"It's you Finn."

"What?" he responded.

"When I'm at the club and want to picture myself somewhere else, I picture myself with you."

Rachel cringed as the door shut behind her, and just like that, he was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

Short chapter I know, I promise I'll make it up to you soon.

"You missed one hell of a party last night dude," Puck said unsympathetically as he returned from the Starbucks in the terminal.

"Yeah, what the hell happened to you anyway?" Artie chimed in.

"I'm sorry, for ditching you guys," Finn said. "I'm sorry for a lot of things."

"Don't worry about it. I mean it was the girl you inexplicably loved in high school, I'm sure there was a lot of catching up to do," Said Kurt. "Did you invite her to the wedding?"

"No, I never got around to it."

"Well if I were you I would at least have tapped that my last night as a free man," Puck said, half jokingly.

"I did." Finn said matter-of-factly

"Yeah right," Kurt chuckled.

"I'm serious," Finn said. "We sang together and then we had sex, and now she hates me and I'm miserable because all I want to do is tell her that I love her but I can't because I'm supposed to marry someone else… that and I'm a huge coward. That's our flight time to go." Before any of the guys could respond he got up and headed towards the entrance, dragging his luggage behind him.

"What exactly just happened?" Kurt said to the others who could only respond with shrugs.


	8. Chapter 8

Now

"Wow, that's one hell of a story," Burt said, taking it all in.

"I feel terrible, worse than terrible. I feel lower than crap right now," Finn said.

"That's because what you did was really wrong Finn."

"No Burt, you're not getting it. I'm not guilty because what happened with Rachel felt wrong… I'm guilty because it felt right. I felt more right than being with Marcy ever has. This, being here, wearing this tie, getting married, this feels wrong."

"How did it feel before what happened with Rachel?"

"I don't know, I was fine with it, I accepted it, I—

"Finn, that's your problem," Burt interrupted. "Getting married isn't something you're supposed to just accept, it's not something you're supposed to be fine with. When I married your mom I was excited, I was nervous, I was everything except for fine, because I knew that there was no one on this planet I wanted to be with more. And I was over the moon about that Finn. If you don't feel that way about that girl in there then you need to be honest with her."

"I love Marcy, I really do."

"I know you love Marcy Finn," Burt said. "And I love you, but that doesn't mean that I want to marry you. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"I have to tell her the truth. I have to break her heart," Finn finally admitted.

"Better now than two kids and a mortgage down the line. Be brave, son," he said, patting him on the back.

Finn reluctantly approached Marcy's changing room, scared to death of what he had to do. As he heard her giggling through the door he felt ten times worse. Somehow he managed to knock on the door anyway.

"Finn, what are you doing here you know it's bad luck, shoo," said Quinn, who was naturally Marcy's roommate in college and her maid of honor.

Quinn, I'm sorry, but I really need to talk to Marcy right now.

"Finn what's wrong," Marcy said, pushing past Quinn, "If this is about the tie again—

"It's not about the tie. We just need to talk."

"Girls, could you skedaddle for a sec? I need to talk to Finn."

The bridesmaids hesitantly cleared the room, obviously aware that they'd be missing something good.

"What's the matter babe?" She said.

"I did something really bad last night."

"What? Did you get drunk and trash the hotel?"

He shook his head.

"Did you hit my brother? Because he probably had it coming,"

"No."

"Did you get Kurt's name tattooed on your ass? Jeez Finn what is it?"

Finn looked at his feet, still hesitating to come out and say it.

"Finn, I'm sure aside from sleeping with a stripper what you did couldn't have been that bad."

He just looked at her, with a face that said it all.

"Oh my god!" She said. "Finn!"

"Marcy I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, sorry you got caught."

"What do you mean? I'm confessing."

"Okay, okay," she said rationally. "Just tell me what was going through your head. This is so not like you."

"It just—

"And if you say 'it just happened' I swear to god I will strangle you with my veil."

"Okay, it was in New York and I ran into this girl I dated in high school, Rachel Berry?"

"Rachel Berry? The screechy girl you're always watching Youtube videos of?"

"Yeah, well we got to talking and, and something inside me just snapped. I thought I had been over her for years and then I see her there and, and we were singing and it all just got really weird. Marcy There's no excuse, I'm just… You have no idea how much I hate me right now,"

"Trust me the feeling's mutual." She sat down not saying anything for several seconds, which felt like eternity. As she sat there he couldn't help but wonder why she didn't cry, or even look especially sad, just angry. "Why would you tell me this Finn?"

"I wanted to be honest with you."

"No, that's not it. Men never want to be honest with women. You're telling me because… because you don't want to marry me do you?"

"Marcy I—

"Do you want to marry me or not Finn?"

"Well, Do you still want to marry me?"

"Not particularly, but you didn't answer my question."

Finn sat down next to her. "I just think that at this point we'd just be getting married because everyone expected us to, don't you?" She stared at him with her large blue eyes, he couldn't tell whether she was looking at him in contempt or, no it was definitely contempt.

"I agree, now go straight to hell," she said shortly.

"Marcy I—

"I know what you're going to say and I really couldn't give a damn, just go."

Finn slowly got up trying to think of something else to say, but coming up with nothing. As he exited the door the bridesmaids stood there, glaring at him, Quinn held an empty glass in her hand. It was no mystery what she used it for.

"Finn you piece of—

"I know." He said, interrupting Quinn, and with that he walked away without another word.


	9. Chapter 9

"Rachel? Rachel, please pick up. I need to talk to you… Come on, I know you're there. I'm not going to stop calling until you pick up. Look a lot has happened today and I need to see you… Rach, as soon as I can get a flight I'm coming down there, whether you want me to or not. I'm going to make this right I promise."

Finn pressed end on his phone and took another swig of wedding champagne. After taking a strong verbal beating from Marcy's parents and a physical one from Jim the ultimate fighting enthusiast, Finn's only solace was in bubbly liquid form. He once again dialed the airline, hoping that something would be available this time.

As the janitors began to clean the empty reception hall Finn knew he'd probably be getting kicked out soon, but he had nowhere else to go, at least not until he could get a flight out.

"Wow, I can't believe you're still here."

Finn snapped his phone shut and looked up at Marcy, now dressed in her regular clothes.

"Yeah, I'm just making a few calls."

"Well, I just came to pick up some things, like that champagne for one. Are you gonna finish that?" She said, sitting next to him.

"Go nuts," he said, handing it over. "You know. I think I may have really blown it with Rachel."

"Wow, so you cheat on me the night before our wedding and you're worried that you blew it with _Rachel_?"

"Yeah, I guess I'm kind of a dumbass sometimes," he gave her a sad look. "Marcy, I am so sorry that I hurt you, you don't deserve it. I mean, you're great, you really are," Finn said.

"I'm just not her," she said, before taking a gulp of the champagne and handing it back to Finn. "Look, if we're being honest, I can't say with complete certainty that part of me didn't see this coming. I mean, even when you were saying all the right things and doing all the right things I always sensed that something was pulling you away from me. I guess I just thought that being married would somehow change all that. Trust me you're not the only one who can be a dumbass sometimes."

"Marcy none of this was your fault."

"Oh I know, you're still an asshole… but I don't hate you, and I know that you weren't trying to hurt me. If anything Finn, I hope that you grow up and figure out what you want, or else you'll never be happy, not with Rachel, not with anyone."

"Do you think I can?" He asked.

"I think telling me the truth was a step in the right direction, yes. But you have a long way to go Finn."

"What about you? Are you going to be okay?"

"Come on Finn, I'm an attractive blonde yoga instructor, I'll find someone else." She grabbed the champagne back from Finn. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go home, get hammered and burn all of your stuff." She began to walk away before turning back for one last word. "Oh, and by the way, I'm keeping the ring."

Finn chuckled, "It's worth a lot of money. You should hock it and go on vacation, maybe get revenge on me by seducing a cabana boy."

"You know, I like the way you think. You take care of yourself Finn."

"You too Marcy." And with that she was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

Another short one, the last before my (hopefully) gripping conclusion.

"I have to get her back Artie." Finn pleaded, Artie was the only person who could help him, everyone else either hated him or had turned in hours ago and weren't answering their phones. Luckily the time difference had Artie up at all hours in his hotel room. After calling every airport in Ohio, Finn had finally gotten some good news, a flight was available, but out of his price range, especially since Marcy's father had promptly fired him from the car dealership where he worked.

"Get who back, Marcy? That was fast," Artie said.

"No, not Marcy, Rachel. I need to get to New York and the only flight available is first class."

"Can't you just trade in your tickets to Hawaii?"

"Marcy gave them to her parents and even if I could get them back she's afraid of flying, the tickets were for a cruise. Look I just need to borrow a few bucks to cover what I couldn't get out of my account."

"How much is a few?"

"530 dollars?" he said squeamishly.

"You can't be serious."

"Look, you know I'm good for it."

"You still haven't given back my DVD copy of Space Jam that you borrowed senior year."

"Artie I will buy you 100 copies of Space Jam if you do me this one favor, please."

"You have _met_ Rachel haven't you?"

"I know you don't understand this, but I'm in love with her Artie, I just gave up everything I had to be with her and I can't give up now. Not when I'm this close"

"Well, the girl I'm in love with is a quasi-goth who faked a speech impediment for years just so she'd have an excuse to be weirdly antisocial, so of course I understand."

"I heard that," Tina said groggily from the bed.

"Love you babe," he said before handing Finn his credit card.

"Thank you thank you thank you." He exclaimed. He hugged Artie and sat down at his laptop to buy the tickets.

After saying his goodbyes to Artie and Tina, Finn raced to the airport as fast as he could to make the red eye. This time, for the first time in as long as he could remember, he had both nothing and everything to lose.


	11. Chapter 11

Finn didn't get a wink of sleep on the plane, he'd gone over what he was going to say to her over and over in his head, and still wasn't sure if it was exactly right. He remembered what Burt had said, about being over the moon about someone. That's how he felt about Rachel, the girl who never failed to excite him, to surprise him, the girl who understood him better than anyone and made him feel like so much more than he was. If only it hadn't taken him six goddamn years to realize it.

He stood at her door, anxious and scared, but absolutely certain that there was nowhere else he wanted to be.

With one stroke of sheer nerve he pushed her buzzer.

"Rachel!" He cried.

"Shouldn't you be on your honeymoon about now?" She answered back coldly.

"Please let me in, I have to talk to you. I called off the wedding."

"Finn, just go away, you're too late." He didn't know whether she had tears in her throat or if the bad reception on the intercom just made her sound that way.

"No, it's not. But I can't say what I need to say like this. You have to let me in."

"I can't I'm sorry. It just hurts too much Finn." Intercom or none she was definitely crying.

"I know I hurt you and I'm sorry I left but I'm here now. And I'll be here until you let me in."

This time she didn't answer at all. But he refused to let her blow him off that easily. With his height he didn't have to jump very high to reach the fire escape ladder. He climbed as fast as he could without falling, determined to get her to hear him out.

"Rachel!" he yelled, knocking on her window. "Rachel! Come on!" He knocked even louder.

"What?" she said, finally opening it.

"Hi" He said out of breath. "You're up high."

"Is that what you came to tell me?" She said sarcastically.

"No," she backed up as he climbed through the window. "I came to say you were right, I never stopped loving you Rachel. I never stopped thinking about you. But you know it was different when you were here and I was in Lima, and I didn't have to see you every day. I was fine, I was alright. I mean I wasn't happy but I was alright. And then I came here and I saw you and that was it, I was done, there was no going back after that."

"But you did go back."

"I know, because I was scared, and confused. But I'm not anymore. For the first time in 24 years I know exactly what I want."

"Well, I'm happy that you finally figured yourself out but I really don't see how any of this is my problem." Her arms were crossed and her stance was cold and confident but Finn could tell by the way her lips quivered that he was getting to her.

"Because it's you, it's always been you Rachel. When it was Quinn it was you, when it was Marcy it was you."

"Because you always want me when you can't have me Finn," she said, starting to break down.

"No, it's because I always want you. And Rachel I'll do whatever it takes to make this work, I'll wait tables, I'll sing on the street, I'll even strip if it means staying here and being with you."

"Finn I—

"Look if you won't take me back I'll understand. But I just want you to know that I'm not going anywhere. That plane ticket was one way, you were strong enough to survive here with nothing, and I'm just going to have to be too. I'm done being fine Rachel, I don't want to go back to the way things were, and I don't think you do either."

She just stood there for a moment, looking down and trying to hold back tears. Finally she opened her mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry Finn, but I can't do this. I appreciate everything you're saying. But it's just, it's all too much. I just really need you to go right now."

"Rachel, I meant every word I just said."

"I know, I know you did. And it was all very sweet it's just a lot to think about."

Now Finn was the one who was trying not to cry. "Tell me what I have to do to change your mind."

"Finn! Just stop okay."

"I can't do that."

"You said you'd understand if I didn't want to take you back."

"I do understand, but that doesn't mean I can just accept it. I love you Rachel."

"Then let me go," She went to her door and held it open for Finn, who reluctantly walked through it.

"Remember what I said. I'm not going anywhere. If you do change your mind, come and find me."

Without a word she closed the door leaving him alone in the hall.

Finn sat in his hotel room that night, contemplating his next move. Out of all the ways he pictured trying to get Rachel back he never imagined it would end this way. He knew that Rachel loved him, he just needed a way to make her see it too. Just as he was considering all of the grand romantic gestures he could make starting with serenading her in public and ending with vandalizing the Empire State Building with a 100 story mural of her, he heard a knock at the door. He rolled out of bed to answer it, certain it was housekeeping or some other annoyance, instead it was…

"Rachel?" He said, surprised.

"I found you like you said. I figured you'd be staying at the dolphin because I know how much you like Dolphins. And the front desk told me which room you were in, and let me just say next time, I would consider selecting a hotel that exercises tighter security policies."

"You're here," Were the only words he could manage.

"I'm here, and I have something I wanted to tell you."

He gestured for her to come in, still unable to speak. She walked in and he closed the door behind her.

"I got the part Finn, the casting director called me after you left. I'm their Maria."

"Oh my god, that's amazing Rachel. That's so great, congratulations," he said, giving her a hug that he wasn't entirely sure was welcome.

"Yeah, as it turns out Mrs. Higgenbottom on the fifth floor really knows her craft. But the thing is, I'm going to need all the help I can get if I want to avoid another Maureen debacle, and she sleeps a lot during the day, so I figured since you're going to be here for a while that maybe you would want to come and run lines with me sometime?"

"Of course, I'd be honored," he said, still not entirely sure where this was headed.

"Great, Well, I have to go. I have to deliver my letter of resignation to The Sex Cauldron. But I'll see you tomorrow?" she said, opening his door to leave.

"Yeah, definitely." As she made her way down the hall he poked his head out of the door to call out to her. "So, does this mean you love me again?"

She turned and smiled. "It means I never stopped."

The End


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